That little smile

Everytime I feel (or hear, I can't always feel it) my stomache growl I can't help but try to hide that little smile I get because I know I'm empty, truly empty. When I can't sleep because my hunger is so stronge I can't ignore it, I can't help but think that it's good because at least I'm empty. I'll lose more. I know it sounds sick, and strange, but its one of the only things I can smile about that comes from this.

Something else is when my bra size goes down. I've always been so insecure about my breast size. I was a 36D, then 36C, now I'm 34D. I was smiling so wide when I went down a band size. I love needing smaller clothes. I used to be a large, now I'm a small. What always is in the back of my mind is it only inspires me to lose more. Not be happy with what I've lost.

The Flu

I havn't been on in forever. This would be because I have the flu. IT SUCKS! I had time to go on Pretty Thin a little a few days ago but I've been feveresh and asleep and in a "Niquil Fog" as my stepdad calls it. Now I feel as though I'm better. I'm terrified to go back to school  because of the makeup work. I looked at my grades, and I have two 40s! I'm going to get that back up ASAP.

Also because I've been sick I've been eating more then normal. My normal limit is 0-600 calorie limit except weekends which is a large 900. 900 is scary because it's so close to 1000. I'm terrified of a 1000. I;ve been eating around 900. I know that's why it's taken so long to get better though, because I havn't been eating an extra large amount that people call "enough".

I'm excited for next week though because on Valentine's Day I'm going to see a play with my boyfriend. I get to hug him and poke him and kiss him. I miss him so much right now. Normally I hate Valentine's day but this year I'm not lonely and eating icecream. This year I have a boyfriend whom I can go out with.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping and I'm going to get a dress that's red because red is his favorite color.